


When All Hope Is Lost

by Castianity



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Fluffy, M/M, Winchester - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-09
Updated: 2013-02-08
Packaged: 2017-11-28 16:27:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/676465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castianity/pseuds/Castianity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean gets the life he always wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Lives We Lead

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.

Two grey-green eyes opened, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. The baby was crying again. “Cas...Castiel!” Dean’s beloved angel woke with a groan, turning to face his partner. “It’s your turn. I fed her last time.” Castiel moaned as he stood, watching as Dean fell asleep once more. Cas smiled lightly, shaking his head as he left the room to calm their third child. 

It had been almost ten years since the two had begun secretly dating behind Sam’s back. They didn't want Sammy thinking that Dean was getting special treatment from Heaven because of it. But once they were sure that they would be together for a long time, they came clean to Dean’s younger brother. He claimed that he had known since the angel first appeared he and Dean would end up together. And sometimes, Cas really believed Sammy had. 

After coming out, Cas wanted nothing more than to hold Dean’s hand in public, to make him blush and giggle as they walked around town. He wanted to kiss him and show him off to the whole world; he wanted everyone-demons, humans, and angels alike-to know that they were in love. At first, Dean denied the blue eyed angel of his wish. He had never thought of himself as as a one-person type, and he especially had never considered the fact that he might be with a man. It hurt Castiel; he felt like Dean was almost embarrassed by him. He found out later that Dean didn't feel like he deserved Cas. The realization sent shivers down his spine. "I love you," he said for the first time that day, holding his crying lover, kissing his forehead over and over. "Oh, Dean, I love you so much." After that day, Dean was more open about their love than Cas had ever hoped for. Sam’s positive reaction definitely influenced that; he gave them all the space they needed, even going off on cases on his own so Dean and Cas could have the private time they needed. Sam loved Cas almost as much as Dean did; he was thrilled that the days of Dean bringing home random one night stands were over and was glad to help the two in any way possible. 

Now they were married with three children. Dean gave up his dangerous life as a hunter when they decided to adopt their first. Sam still hunted, never quite able to give it up. Dean, of course, would teach his children how to hunt when they were old enough, even killing any demon that came into their town. But he didn’t want to raise his children into a life filled with death and crappy burgers from roadside diners. 

Cas walked into Elysa’s room, picking her up and rocking her back and forth. He looked around the room like a worried mother, searching for any sign that what happened to Sam would happen to her. He knew it was next to impossible for Azazel to return. Still, with the Winchesters, the impossible was always very, very possible. 

When he found that the room was empty, the angel allowed himself to breathe again. Cas kissed his now sleeping six month old daughter’s forehead and smiled as he put her back in her crib. The angel turned around, ready to go back to sleep, when his only son, John, walked in. 

“Daddy? Is Elysa okay?” He asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes. He tilted his head slightly, a teddy bear clutched in his hands. Cas laughed quietly and picked up the three year old. 

“Of course she is. She’s just restless, as all children her age are,” he said, bringing the child back to the room he shared with his seven year old sister. Soon, Castiel suspected, she would be begging for her own room. For now, though, she was content to spend the dark nights with her brother. 

Cas tucked the black haired child into bed, kissing his forehead. The boy was asleep before his head hit the pillow. The blue eyed angel smiled dreamily and returned to his room. All of this was more than he could have ever dreamed to ask for. He climbed into the bed, kissed the sleeping Dean’s cheek, and fell asleep.

 

“DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDY!!!!!!!” Rayne’s screeching voice echoed through the hallway and pierced Dean’s ears; the man was up and in her room in a second, terrified. Was there a demon? Cas stood next to him, looking just as spooked. Dean looked around; the clothes of a seven year old girl were strewn across the floor; in the midst of the chaos sat John, gleefully covered in his sister’s play makeup. Dean sighed with relief and smiled weakly. “Which one of us did you mean?”

“DADDY! HE STOLE MY PRINCESS MAKEUP!” Cas picked John up and carried him out of the room, presumably to get him cleaned up. 

“We can get you all new princess makeup,” he said. “But don’t scare us like that again; you know what I said about screaming." 

“It was an emergency though, Daddy! That’s my _princess makeup_ ,” his seven year old daughter said, articulating the last two words so he knew EXACTLY what John had done. Dean sighed; this was not a battle he could win. It was nearly impossible to win an argument with a seven year old girl. 

“We can buy some new makeup today, okay?” He said, trying not to laugh at the anguished look on the little girl’s face. “Uncle Sammy promised he would come today, maybe you can go with Aunt Ari.” The little girl’s eyes lit up and she nodded her approval; Rayne loved Sam’s wife. She wasn’t the only one. After Jess died and Ruby betrayed him, Sam had a lot of trouble trusting women again. Around the time that Dean and Cas had secretly begun dating, they had met a girl on a case they had been working. Though she wasn’t a hunter, she learned quickly and saved their asses from a demon. It didn’t take long for Sam to ask her out. About two years later, he proposed. They had been hunting together ever since; it was a love story even Cas fawned over. 

Dean watched his daughter begin to pick up her clothes and left the room to get Elysa, who was already awake and giggling. “Good morning, cutie,” he cooed to her as she reached up to him. Dean smiled and brought her downstairs, where Castiel was sitting at the table with a freshly bathed John. The man smiled and set his child down when he heard the doorbell ring. “Rayne! Come down for breakfast!” He called up the stairs as he walked to the front door.

“Sam, Ari,” Dean said as he opened the door. He hugged them both. “We were just sit-” 

“AUNT ARI!” A little princess squealed and ran to the woman, hugging her tightly. Ari laughed and picked her up; digging up graves had made her strong. Sam looked amused as they made their way into the dining room. Castiel stood and kissed both of them on the cheek, as did John (as well as a three year old could), and they all sat. Dean looked around, his heart swelling with love for his family. It was a wonderful meal; Cas could cook better than anybody else Dean knew. Which was good; he couldn’t cook for anything. 

 

That Saturday was filled with relaxed fun; it was so unlike the childhood Sam and Dean had. While Ari and Rayne went to buy new princess makeup, Dean, Sam, and Castiel watched Elysa doze and John play with monster truck toys while discussing the latest case Sam had been on. It was simple; a demon had taken up residence a few towns over, and Sam had bashed its brains in. Dean smiled warily; he rarely missed fighting, but he would have been lying if he said he didn’t miss that part of his life. He and his brother, while still incredibly close, were undeniably split, leading two very different lives. 

Ari and Rayne bounded through the door, Rayne proudly holding a new makeup bag in her small hands. Ari, ever since a hunt in 2012, had been unable to have children. Moreover, it was hard to have children when you were a hunter. Sam wouldn't have allowed for more children to be raised as warriors anyway. Dean and Cas’ kids were as close to children as Sam and Ari would ever get. Rayne particularly loved having the woman around. The young girl was constantly surrounded by men, and Elysa wasn’t great company yet; it was nice for their daughter to have a female presence every once and awhile. 

The day came to an end too quickly, and Sam and his wife had to leave. They said their goodbyes and watched as the two left hand in hand. Dean kissed Castiel’s lips gently and picked up his youngest, who had fallen asleep in Rayne’s arms. Castiel picked up the slumbering figure of John off of the couch and took Rayne’s hand, leading them up the stairs. It didn’t take too long for the two men to put their children to bed. 

Dean smiled and took his angel’s hand, leading him to their bedroom. When they got there the door slammed shut and clothes went flying as the two kissed passionately, falling onto the bed in a mess of fumbling hands and lips. Dean growled into Cas’ ear and nipped his neck, receiving a quiet, satisfying moan from him. Dean grinned and ran his hands down the length of the angel’s body, kissing every inch of skin he could as his head followed. Cas bit his lip to stop himself from yelling out loud. He squirmed under Dean's lips, bucking his hips up every so often to meet Dean's mouth. "Patience," he said quietly, planting a kiss beneath his belly button. He trailed his hands along the man's tight abdomen, dragging his fingernails along the angel's pale skin. Dean moved his fingers down to the buckle of his pants; Cas grabbed a pillow and smothered his face so he couldn't scream. 

"Dean," he gasped, stuffing the pillow into his mouth. "Fuck, Dean." The man wrapped a hand around his lover’s already half-hard cock, eliciting a moan from the angel. “Augh, please, Dean,” he mumbled, arching his back to meet his touch. The former hunter pressed his hips down gently with a kiss. “Patience, young Padawan,” he murmured. The angel responded to the Star Wars reference with a confused look. 

“I don’t understand that reference, Dean,” he said, his blue eyes sparkling with amusement. Dean laughed softly, then muffled the sound by taking his lover’s cock between his lips. Castiel went ballistic. The angel arched up into the man’s mouth, the groans muffled, luckily, by the pillows.

Suddenly, Dean felt a sharp tug on his hair, forcing his lips to pull off of the angel’s length. He tried to protest, but the sound was cut short by a kiss. Cas tasted himself upon Dean’s lips, then pulled away with a predatory growl. “I want to be inside you, Dean,” he hissed into the green eyed man’s ear; Dean could have come from just the sound of his voice.

Castiel’s fingers found their way to his hole. Without hesitation, he stuck two in. It was all Dean could do not to come from that alone. “Jesus, fuck, Cas...” he gasped, his breath hitching. The angel’s free hand tugged on his hair, hard.

“Do not use the Lord’s name in vain, Dean,” he hissed. Dean shuddered, pleasure coursing through his body, and nodded, not protesting when Cas’ fingers slipped out of him. He knew what was coming. 

The angel moved closer to him, the pre-cum covered tip of his cock teasing Dean’s hole. “Cas...no...dear g--grapes,” he forced himself to say. As Cas pushed himself in, Dean silenced his groans of pleasure by sucking on Cas’ neck. With one hard shove, Cas was balls deep in his lover. He began thrusting in and out, rocking them back and forth. Dean could barely contain himself, but forced himself not to yell out as his body tightened around Cas. With a quiet cry, Dean blew his load all over Castiel’s belly. Moments later, the angel yelped and blew his load inside the man he loved, his name gracing his lips. “Dean...” Dean planted kisses all over his angel’s face as he pulled out, wrapping his arms tightly around the blue eyed angel’s body, pulling him in. He ran his fingers through his messy hair, sighing softly.  
“I love you, Castiel Novak-Winchester.” 

 

Dean woke long after Cas the next morning naked, sticky, and happy. He stood and stretched, throwing on a shirt he knew was Castiel's and some pants before walking out into the hallway. Cas had Elysa in his arms; Rayne and John were playing calmly in their room. All was well. 

“I’ll go get the paper,” he said, taking a moment to admire his freshly cleaned partner, knowing he didn’t want to be with anyone else. He smiled lightly and walked downstairs, whistling softly as he made his way outside. 

“Hi, neighbor!” He heard from his left side. Dean turned to face the man who had called to him, a large smile on his face. “How are the kids?” 

“Good, thanks.” Dean replied with a wary smile. Something was...different. Wrong. He looked around, anxious to get back inside to his family. What was it that was putting him on the edge? 

The smile on the face of the old man turned devious. Dean’s face paled and he looked down. “No...no no no no NO!” He yelled in his gruff voice, his breath speeding. The flowers, usually red, were bright yellow. 

“You cannot take me away from my family,” Dean said, his voice breaking. “YOU CAN’T!” 

“Oh, but I can,” said the Trickster, his face becoming young once more. “Think of it this way; they were never real. Not Rayne, not John, not Elysa, not Sam, not Ari...not Castiel,” he said, his nostrils flaring. Dean’s eyes filled with tears as he turned to face his home. They were no longer standing on the street, but in an empty warehouse. Gabriel was no longer with him. “TAKE ME BACK!” Dean’s scream echoed around the metal room. He spun around, but he was alone.  
Truly, utterly alone.


	2. Living Life Without You is Hard

“Dean? DEAN!” Sam ran over to his brother, who was huddled in the corner of the old warehouse. Tears were streaming down his face, and he kept muttering to himself. Something about going back...going back where? “Dean, I’m here. What the hell happened?” He said, helping his brother to sit up. The man stared blankly ahead, ignoring Sam’s question.

“How long was I gone for?” He asked in a monotonous voice.

“No more than five minutes.” Five minutes. Dean had been married with three children in five minutes...he had had his dream life in five minutes. And none of it had been true. He shook his head and stood. 

“Gabriel found me. Cast me into a parallel universe.” His heart ached every time he thought of the life he had there.

“Jesus. What happened?” 

“I don’t remember.”

Sam shook his head. "Jesus," he said again, holding his brother up. He looked around; the sun shone through the dusty windows. What had Dean seen? "Let's get back to the motel. I'll grab us some food, maybe Cas is there. He'll be able to help us figure out what to do with Gabriel." Dean groaned at Castiel's name. Sam wondered what pulled the sound from him; he was usually happy to see the angel. He didn't mention it, though, and held fast to his brother as they made their way into the sunshine.  
"Dude, I don't need your help," Dean said in a gruff voice. Sam let go and Dean shook himself off. Seeing Cas now would be like seeing an ex after breaking up with them; it would just be awkward. The man bit his lip and reached his hand into his pocket, feeling the keys to the Impala in his pocket. 

 

_Cas had been against Dean keeping the Impala. "I know you love that car, Dean," he said one day as they laid in bed together, his head on Dean's bare chest. "But it's just not a safe car. We have a child now." Dean smiled proudly, running his fingers through Castiel's hair._

_"I'm not getting rid of that car. That was my dad's freakin' car:"_

_Cas sighed, knowing he would not relent. "Can we at least get something safer? You can keep the Impala. I just want to have something else I know our child will be safe in."_

_Dean sighed. Cas couldn't even drive; why would he want a car? But looking down into the angel's deep blue eyes, he knew he couldn't ignore his wish. "Yeah, Cas," he finally said. The angel's smile made it all worth it. He reached up, pressing his soft lips to Dean's._

_"Thank you."_

 

Dean's heart lurched at the memory. "Cas..." he murmured under his breath, knowing his brother wasn't listening. "God, I want that back." 

Dean had always been one of those hyper masculine, take a different woman home every night type of guy. He hated being tied down; even when he was with Lisa, he felt constantly wary and on guard. Something was always on his tail, always trying to get him...if that meant taking the ones he loved, then so be it. But with Cas...god, he remembered it do clearly. With Cas, he had never felt more safe. Whether it was because he knew that he and the angel would be able to keep themselves safe or because he loved Castiel more than anything else he had ever known, he didn't know. All he knew was that he wanted to be with Cas. He wanted to kiss him again, hold him, love him the way he knew Cas loved. 

He just didn't know if this Cas felt the same way. 

Dean ran his fingers through his thin hair as he unlocked the car. Jesus, he needed to get a hold of himself. _That life is over. It never even was,_ he told himself, tearing his heart in two at just the thought.

“Get in," he said gruffly, in a voice Sam knew to obey. He got in himself and turned the key in the ignition, driving farther and farther away from the bleak warehouse where he had found the life he wanted to live.

"Dean, where were you?" Sam's voice filled the car after a long time. 

"Doesn't matter." And it didn't; not anymore. Dean's knuckles turned white as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. 

 

_"Cas, you don't need to do this." Dean was practically pleading with the angel, his green eyes wide with fear as he gripped the dashboard for dear life. "I can drive. It's fine."_

_"Dean, you said it yourself. I need to learn how to drive so that you aren't the only one who drives the kids around." Rayne was five when they had adopted John, who was one. Dean had made some offhand joke about how he felt like a stay at home mother, always doing the driving when there was shopping to be done or Rayne needed to get home from kindergarten. Cas insisted that he learn how to drive so that Dean wouldn't have to bear all of that on his own. Dean had promised that it was fine, but the blue eyed angel wouldn't hear it._

_"Alright, let's try again." Dean was teaching his partner how to drive in their brand new minivan; there was no way in hell he was letting a newbie drive his baby. "Back up, SLOWLY, and then drive in a straight line."_

_SCREEEEEEEEECH!_

 

Dean smiled sadly at the memory. It was all so vivid, he still couldn't believe it wasn't real. "Dude, TURN!" Sam practically screamed, and Dean made a sharp left turn into their motel parking lot. "Damn, you're distracted," Sam grumbled as he got out of the car, working hard to keep himself from bumping his head on the roof-again. Dean muttered a quiet "Sorry" before getting out and locking his car. Sam just shook his head and walked ahead of his brother, walking into their room and sitting at the table. "Alright, so I found a bit out about church. Apparently, it was founded by two brothers..."

Dean tuned his brother out lazily, flopping onto the bed. What had Gabriel been doing here? It was a spirit case; it had nothing to do with the angel. Yet, he had been there, playing with Dean. The green eyed man sighed and shut his eyes, allowing his brother to continue talking as he fell gently asleep. 

 

"Dean." The man sat up slowly, rubbing his face with a light groan. He hadn't realized he had fallen asleep. "Dean." The hunter looked up, staring into the face of Castiel. Dean bit his lip and looked away, not quite able to look into the blue eyes of the man who had loved him. 

“Cas," he said gruffly. He felt the icy blue eyes burning a hole in his back, his heart pounding. 

"Gabriel?"

"Yeah." Dean rubbed the back of his neck, looking up at the angel. His eyes burned with curiosity, and he knew the question that was on his mind. What reality had Gabriel created to stick Dean in? "It doesn't matter where I was," he said, surprising Castiel by practically reading his mind. "All that matters is that I'm back."

"Why do you refuse to tell me where you were?" 

"I don't have to tell you. I don't have to freakin' explain it. Why can't you and Sam accept the fact that I wish I was still there?" He fumed. The green eyed hunter stopped, realizing what he had said. Cas still didn't know where he had been, but what was he admitting to himself? He was admitting that he was attracted to Cas. More than that, he was in love with him. Cas, on the other hand, looked hurt. 

"I'm sorry, Dean," he said in his gravelly voice, his questions ceasing. "Gabriel...his favorite trick is to place you in a setting you long for, whether you realize it or not. It is kind if the setting is realistic. If it isn't...it can be the most painful thing in the world." 

Dean swallowed hard and looked away. Was it possible that he wanted the life he had been given by Gabriel? The hunter looked up into the innocent blue eyes of the angel, staring at him with concern, and he knew that the answer was yes. He wanted to hold Castiel in his arms. He wanted to kiss him and hug him and fall asleep in the same bed as him...forever. And he would never know because Dean knew that Castiel would never feel the same way. That thought broke his heart. 

“I’m going out,” he said, his voice husky with sadness. Cas tilted his head but said nothing as he watched his hunter walk out the door.


	3. I Miss You

Dean stepped into the inky black night, the cool air stinging his skin as he walked aimlessly around town to find the nearest bar. He wanted to drink Cas away, the memory of his fingertips still imprinted into the man’s skin. He shuddered at the thought, ducking his head as he walked into a cheap bar. That night, as he thrusted into a nameless girl, all he could see beneath him was Cas. Her breathless moans sounded too close to Castiel whispering his name, and when he came, he felt empty, incomplete. He left as soon as he could, the girl’s “Call me” lost in the hustle of clothing and the slamming of the door. He was hurt, lost, broken without his angel. His angel. “God, Cas,” he whispered to himself, tears falling down his face, as he walked home in the light rain. 

 

About two months had passed since Dean’s encounter with Gabriel. He still screamed out in his sleep, praying to go back to the world he had been in before. He still left whatever motel room they were in every night, hooking up with faceless girls, trying to fill a void he never could. Pain encased his heart every time he saw the angel, turning him into a broken shell of the man he had once been. Sam was worried about him; he knew that for a fact. At least once a week his younger brother tried to coax something out of Dean, trying to figure out where he had been...and how to help save him from the dangerous path he was going down. “Was it Lisa?” Dean would shake his head and drink more. “W...was it me?” Dean would laugh and say no, although Sammy had been there. “Was there a kid there?” Dean stopped and looked up, his face pale. 

“N...no,” he said, although his brother could see right through it. 

“What about Cas?” 

Dean almost spat out his drink. “It’s none of your damn business,” he said angrily, standing up and running his hand down his face. “I’m going out.” 

“Dean, no! You've been out almost every night. I’m worried about you. Bobby’s worried about you. Hell, I can only imagine that Cas is worried, although you never stick around long enough for him to see you!” 

“Ever think there may be a reason for that?” With that, the door slammed. Whatever happened, Sammy knew one thing. He knew that Castiel had been there. And whether he liked it or not, he was going to find out the role he had played.


	4. In Good Time

Dean ran a hand through his thin hair as he walked through the cold air. The freckled hunter pulled his leather jacket more tightly around him, watching as his breath condensed in front of him. There were few people around, only a family who were presumably walking home from a restaurant. A little girl ran ahead of the two parents, who were laughing loudly at what she was saying. The woman was pushing a stroller in front of her, and the baby inside began crying. Dean jumped at the noise, his mind going back to that vivid dream place. 

 

_Dean had never thought that he would be a good father. Hell, half the time he thought he would never be a father at all. He had been good to Ben, sure, but he his own father had been awful. He didn't want to be the same parent John had been. So one late night, as Dean and Sam sat amidst stacks of papers required for adoption, the ex-hunter sat back. "Maybe we shouldn't do this."_

_Cas looked up, surprised. "Dean, you were the one who wanted to adopt in the first place. This was your idea. We are so close to having a child."_

_"I'm not saying I don't want one," he snapped; Cas sat back, his blue eyes wide. "I'm sorry." Dean ran a hand over his face and sighed. "I just...I never had the parental guidance that I needed. Since I can remember I was on the road. I just...what if I'm a horrible father?"_

_Cas' heart melted. Dean had never opened himself up like this; not to Sammy, not to Bobby, and never to him. Now, sitting there in near tears, he had never looked more delicate. The angel stood, knocking into a stack of papers. He used his mojo to fix it, then rested his hands on Dean's shoulders, kissing the top of his head. "Dean, you will make an excellent father. You will be nothing like John. I had a horrible father, too," he joked, trying to make his fiancée smile. They were set to get married in two weeks. "We'll know exactly what not to do. We'll get through this."_

 

"So much for that," Dean muttered to himself, wiping away tears. He kicked a stone on the side of the road into a gutter and sighed. "What happened to forever?" He murmured, looking up at the sky. Stars twinkled above him. It was all so peaceful. He smiled, a calm feeling blanketing him, and looked back in front of him, his heart stopping as he heard the flutter of wings. Goddammit, Cas, can’t you just leave me alone? He moaned softly to himself as Cas tilted his head, exposing the soft flesh that Dean once bit...he shook his head. “Cas, what do you want?”

“I talked to Gabriel.” 

Silence.

“He told me where you were.” 

Dean’s heart froze. He knew. Of course he knew; Gabriel was his brother, and Dean knew that there was always an easy way to get information out of a brother. Dean sat down on the curb, holding his head in his hands. Soft footsteps sounded behind him and he looked up. A rough hand landed on his cheek, Cas’ head tilting oh-so-slightly. Quietly, almost nervously, the angel reached down and pressed his lips against Dean’s soft forehead. “You never asked,” he whispered into the hunter’s ear, disappearing with those words. 

Dean stood there, mouth hanging open. "W...dammit, Cas! You can't DO that!" He yelled, kicking the street with the heel of his boot. He smiled, though; Cas words resonated through his ears as he stood up, his head spinning dizzily. 

Walking back to the motel that night, Dean Winchester floated five feet off the ground. He grinned as he walked into the room, swinging the door shut with a loud bang. “Jesus, Dean,” Sam mumbled, his face buried in the pillows. “I know you’re drunk, man, but you don’t have to wake everybody in existence up.” 

“Sorry bro,” he said cheerily, not sounding sorry at all. “I’m not drunk, surprisingly.” 

Sam sat up, interested now. “Really?” 

“Yep, Sammy. See? Just needed some time.” He grinned and flopped back onto the bed he was in front of. His brother kept staring at him with disbelief, as if he couldn’t believe somebody could get over something that had traumatized him so much so quickly. He didn’t say anything else, though, and allowed Dean to fall into a peaceful sleep.


	5. Discovering You

Dean woke up before his brother the next morning, as per usual. He threw a pillow at his brothers head, cranking up the radio on their shared bedside table up. Sam awoke with a start, glaring at his older brother. “Rise and shine, Sammy!” Was all he said, whistling along to the song as he stuffed all of his crap into a black duffel bag. “Let’s get this show on the road!” He grinned and allowed his brother a few minutes to stretch and get ready, waiting in the car for his lazy ass. 

“Hello, Dean,” said a familiar gravelly voice behind him. Dean jumped ten feet out of his seat, slamming his head against the top of the car. 

“Dammit, Cas, you can’t **do** that,” he grumbled, turning to face the blue eyed angel. His hair was a mess, his tie askew. Instinctively, Dean reached out and fixed it, his eyes meeting the angel’s. “I...uh, sorry,” he mumbled, a blush spreading across his face. 

“Do not apologize, Dean. It was...nice,” the angel said softly. Dean was acutely aware of the fact that his hand was still on Cas’ tie. The angel smiled and covered his hand with his own. The slight gesture, their bare skin touching for the first time in what felt like years, drove Dean mad. He leaned forward, his lips mere centimeters from Castiel’s, when his brother walked out of the hotel room. Dean tore his hand away from Cas’ and stared forward.

“Hey Cas,” he said innocently. “When did you get here?” 

“A few moments ago,” he said, nodding in greeting. 

“Alright. Well, we don’t have a case.” 

“What?” 

“You heard me. There are no cases right now. Believe it or not, we don’t have anywhere we need to be.” 

Dean’s mouth hung open. He couldn't remember the last time he and his brother didn't have a case. “Well, in that case, I guess we could just go...hang out at Bobby’s for a bit,” he said, the words sounding foreign on his tongue. It just didn’t make sense. The man shook his head; wings fluttered in the backseat and Cas was gone. “Dammit, Cas,” Dean muttered. The engine roared and Dean peeled out of the parking lot, leaving the town far behind. 

 

_Dean could barely hear the sound of the Impala’s engine, always so loud, above the sound of his heart beating. For the first time in forever, he was letting Sammy drive the car. “Dude, we’re gonna be late!” He screamed, brushing off the front of his tux desperately. This was a mistake; he couldn’t get fucking married! Sam’s laugh was the last thing he wanted to hear. “What?” He said in a bitter tone, straightening out his tie for the millionth time._

_“You love Cas, Cas loves you. You’re getting married; neither of you is leaving the other. Relax, dude, okay?” Dean looked down at his hands, fiddling with the engagement ring on his finger. He smiled lightly to himself, imagining every kiss, every touch, every love-filled word they had ever said to each other. He could do this._

_Sam pulled up in front of the church, parking in the spot reserved for them. The day before, Sam and his girlfriend Arianna had been here, putting subtle salt lines at every window and a devil’s trap at every door. Nothing, absolutely nothing, was going to get in the way of this magical day._

 

Dean smiled fondly at the memory as they sped down the highway. He ran a hand through his hair, his mind drifting back to that other world. He knew that soon, very soon, he would have it back. It honestly shocked him slightly when Cas had basically told him he was in love with Dean; he didn’t deserve that in any way. He sighed contentedly, pulling into Bobby’s junkyard. “Ah, home away from home,” he said, slamming the door shut and stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Damn, it’s cold,” he muttered to himself, following as Sammy scuttled inside. 

“Dean.” Castiel’s hand landed on his shoulder, and the hunter spun around. 

“Dammit, Cas, you can’t do that!” He said for what felt like the millionth time. “I swear, one of these days I’m going to punch you in the face by accident. Seriously.” He shook his head and looked at the angel, whose head was tilted in that innocent, I-don’t-understand-what-you’re-saying way. Dean sighed, his heart melting. “Never mind. What are you doing here?” 

“Dean, we need to talk about--” 

“Cas, shut up,” he said, a cheeky smile spreading across his face. “Dammit, Cas. I--this is fucking terrifying, because I’m not good at this whole ‘feelings’ thing. And I know that I---but it’s just...” He trailed off, looking down and rubbing the back of his neck. He felt the angel’s soft hand on his face, lifting his head. 

“Dean, I love you, too,” Castiel said quietly, brushing his free hand through the man’s hair. “I’m going to kiss you now.” With that, he smiled gently and pulled Dean in, his cold lips pressing against Dean’s. The man shuddered gently and wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist. His mind went blank and, as they pulled apart, Dean couldn’t remember anything but the feeling of his angel’s lips against his own. 

“I...goddammit, Castiel,” he said. The angel laughed quietly and allowed for the hunter to pull him in, kissing him again and again. 

From the window, Sam watched his brother kiss another man, stunned. Bobby stood next to him, chuckling quietly. “Idjits,” he said, shaking his head and walking away.

 

It was dark in the house. Bobby had taken Sam out for a beer; Dean had no idea that they had seen. Regardless, he and Cas had the whole dark house to themselves. He looked over at where the angel was sitting on the couch now; his head was tilted and he looked slightly confused, as he almost always did. “Cas, we have the whole house house to ourselves,” he said, sitting down on the couch and pulling the angel into his lap and stroking his hair. “We can do....anything we want to,” he said, planting a kiss on the top of his head. Cas looked up and kissed his lips gingerly, not knowing exactly how to deal with what he was feeling. 

“I’m scared, Dean. I have never...I have never had sex with anybody,” Cas said uncertainly, looking around nervously. 

“Damn, Cas, I didn’t...no, we don’t have to have sex if you don’t feel comfortable-” 

“Dean, I want to.” Dean’s dick twitched in his pants at the angel’s words. He turned and kissed him gently. 

“We’ll go slowly, then. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, you have to tell me. I’ll stop.” Cas spun around and and kissed him so fiercely on the lips that Dean was taken aback. He wrapped his arms protectively around the angel and kissed him back, grabbing Cas' thigh and pulling him so he was straddling Dean's lap. The angel pressed his tongue against Dean's lips, begging to be allowed in. The hunter granted entrance and Cas explored his mouth, tasting every inch of him. Dean ripped that damn trench coat off of him, Cas groaning into his mouth. 

Dean suddenly pulled away, leaving the angel wondering what he did wrong. His eyes bore into Dean until the man pressed his kiss-swollen lips against the angel's neck, sending a shiver through him. Castiel moaned, resting his hands on the flushed skin beneath the hunter’s soft shirt. Dean’s breath hitched and he pulled it off slowly, looking at the angel to make sure he was okay with what they were doing. Cas’ eyes nearly popped out of his head as he stared at Dean’s tight, toned muscles. He ran his hands along them slowly, memorizing the contours of his body. Dean pulled off Cas’ too, his heart pounding as he stared at the angel’s stomach, drinking in the sight. “Cas,” he breathed, resting his head against his shoulder and drinking in his sweet scent.

“Yes, Dean?” He said, running his fingers through his hair, patiently waiting. Dean responded by pressing his lips to Castiel’s shoulder, running a hand along his abdomen. He smiled lightly; neither he nor Cas had ever been with a man, so it would be a new experience for both of them. All he knew was that he loved the angel more than anything in the world; he wanted to show him just that. Dean grunted and tugged gently at Castiel’s pants. 

“Nothing you don’t want to do,” he said quietly, but Cas was bucking up into his hands, begging for his touch. Dean smiled, pulling down his pants and revealing the tenting that had occurred in his boxer. Cas looked confused. “It’s an erection, Cas. You get it when you’re turned on. It’s a good thing,” he said, trying to suppress a laugh. 

“I know what an erection is, Dean,” he said quietly. “I just didn’t realize I had one.” The hunter laughed, a sound the angel muffled with another kiss, his hands finding the button of Dean’s jeans and pulling them down. Dean groaned as the rough material brushed against the still-clothed tip of his sensitive cock, moaning as Cas rested his hand uncertainly on top of it.

“God, yes, Cas,” he gasped, bucking up into the touch. “You goddamn tease.” When the angel saw that he was driving Dean crazy, he smiled and squeezed it, experimenting, testing the waters. Dean, on the other hand, could barely breathe. “Jesus-fuck, Cas,” he moaned, slamming his head back against the couch. “We..can’t...not here...not on the couch...upstairs,” he said, grabbing Cas and kissing him as they made their way up the stairs and into the bedroom Dean always slept in when he was at Bobby’s. “Better,” he mumbled, pushing the angel onto the bed and jumping on top of him. 

Something clicked in Cas’ mind, and his eyes lit up. “Pain...you enjoy pain during sexual encounters,” he said, looking up at Dean with huge eyes. “That is why the pizza man was slapping the baby sitter’s rear.” Dean laughed and hugged the man, kissing his temple. 

“Yeah, Cas, that’s exactly it,” Dean said, not ready to tell the angel that porn had nothing to do with love or affection. Instead, he allowed the angel to believe that people only had sex when they were in love. He nipped at the man’s neck, a groan mumbling in his throat, and pulled Cas’ boxers down, his erection springing up. Dean’s eyes widened and his hands flew down to his hips, pulling him in and grinding his own clothed cock against Castiel’s. His eyes shut tightly, pulling down Dean’s pants and rubbing their bare erections together. Dean let out a low, guttural, animalistic moan and kissed his angel fiercely as he used one hand to pump their cocks furiously. The sound that came from the angel’s mouth was simply not human as he came, the sticky threads of semen painting Dean’s belly. He moaned and came at the same time, covering his not-so-innocent angel in semen and sweat. He breathed out, his sweat-dampened hair resting against Castiel’s shoulder. The man reached his hand up, running a hand through Dean’s hair comfortingly.

“I love you.” 

“I love you too, Dean.”


	6. Two Years Later

Cas had, of course, been the one to plan out the whole wedding. Dean didn’t want part in it; not because he wasn’t excited, but because he had no sense of style. So Charlie Bradbury had allowed herself to be resurrected for a few months to help Cas. “I wouldn’t miss your wedding. We’re queer buddies,” she had said, bumping his shoulder. And they had done a lovely job. It wasn’t posh, but it wasn’t informal, and Dean was damn glad for that. 

Dean walked into the chapel, standing at the altar. Cas, they had decided, would be the one to walk down the aisle. Well, not really walk down the aisle; the only people who were going to be attending the wedding were part of the wedding party, so they had really decided that he would be the last one to walk in. 

Dean waited. 

Sammy walked towards him first, a smile planted on his face. His baby brother was positively glowing; he looked wonderful in his suit. Dean hugged his brother tightly, grinning at him as Sammy clapped him on the back. “Congrats, dude,” he whispered quietly, taking his shoulders and staring him in the eyes. As if reading Dean’s mind, the man laughed quietly. “He looks great. Nervous as all hell, but great. You’re gonna be fine.” Dean hugged his little brother again and shoved him to the side. “Jerk,” his brother muttered under his breath, his eyes lighting up. 

“Bitch.” 

Dean looked up; Charlie was walking towards him, a lovely lady on her arm. He hugged them both. “You’re next, Charlie,” he whispered in her ear, kissing her cheek gently. She laughed softly and kissed his back, then grabbed the other girl’s hand and walked to stand next to Sam. Bobby walked towards him next, Jo and Ellen both on his arms. They were wearing matching cream colored dresses, and even Bobby looked great in his tux. The two ladies kissed his cheek and hugged him in turn, whispering their congratulations. Then they stepped aside and Bobby walked forward. 

“I’m so proud of you, Dean. You finally figured it out.” 

“Wait, figured it out? Figured what out?” 

Bobby laughed and cuffed the back of his head affectionately. “He’s loved you since the second we met him in that warehouse. Idjit,” he added, making Dean blush happily. Tears sprung up in the old man’s eyes and he took Dean’s shoulders. “Your parents would be proud to see you now,” he said quietly. Dean nodded. 

“Thanks, Bobby. For being the dad I never had.” 

“Don’t get all mushy on me, boy,” Bobby said, wiping a tear out of his eyes. He patted the man’s back once more and stood next to Ellen; out of the corner of his eye, Dean saw him take the woman’s hand. He chuckled under his breath; sneaky bastard. 

Finally, Cas walked down the aisle. The hunter’s jaw dropped as he watched his every step. Charlie elbowed him in the side and Dean forced himself to smile instead of looking like a fish out of water. He looked...fantastic. His hair was, of course, messy as always. But he wasn’t wearing that damn trench coat. He looked absolutely phenomenal in his tux. 

And his tie, the blue one he always wore, was facing the correct way. 

“Cas...” He whispered as the angel approached him. “Wait.” He smiled, pulled the tie from around his head, and put it on backwards. 

Castiel’s eyes sparkled with confusion. “Dean, Sam told me that this is the incorrect way to wear it. Was he playing one of those ‘pranks’ you talk about?” He tilted his head; it was all Dean could do not to kiss him. 

“I like it this way. It’s more...you.” Cas looked pleased as he took Dean’s hand. They smiled at each other; there was no priest. Neither of them wanted that. So they decided they would just get married at city hall and then have a small ceremony with their family. 

“Cas,” Dean started, his palms sweaty and his heart pounding. “You know it’s hard for me to say this stuff. But we’ve been through a lot together. Going into it would be stupid, because you’ve all been there for all of it, but I...I just wanted to say I love you, and I’m glad we’re gonna spend the rest of our lives together,” he finished softly, squeezing Cas’ hands.

“I love you too,” Castiel said quietly. “I have been there for you since the beginning. Since you were young, I watched over you. As you aged, I watched over you. And I promise to continue forever.” He nodded and moved closer to Dean so their lips were only centimeters from each other. 

“Forever?” 

“Forever.”


End file.
